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Body

by St. Abel

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1.
The Parts 02:53
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she is all that's left so I cower behind her hips hoping that parted lips can tell me how to lose the parts that I don't use she is no friend but I carry her sagging skin in my arms while my ailing heart makes that sound that tells me to lose the parts that I don't use if I cry and I shed and I leave if I cry and I shed and I leave if I cry and I shed and I leave if I cry and I shed and I leave will I survive without the parts the parts that I don't use
2.
Feel Human 03:45
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this I know, you never chose this I know, my body getting cold this I know how terrible your limbs won’t grow back disposable your scars don’t show what you’ve been through, i know all those years I’ve fallen out with you eyes closed, fingers cold, my figure a tomb what my body don’t show is where I feel human, you know my body, my body don’t show where I feel the human I know my body don't show where I feel most human in my mind, I fought for us or at least i tried, white knuckles fist balled so tight how terrible your limbs won’t grow back disposable your scars don’t show what you’ve been through, i know all those years I’ve fallen out with you eyes closed, fingers cold, my figure a tomb what my body don’t show is where I feel human, you know my body, my body don’t show where I feel the human I know human all those years I’ve missed you while I roam eyes closed, fingers cold, never knew my home what my body don’t show is where I feel human, you know my body, my body don’t show where I feel the human I know my body don't show where I feel most human
3.
Now What 01:51
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these are unsure times I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it my days cut short with a quick call but I knew if I was going to save me I would’ve had to learn how to swim without limbs no stars to guide me ashore I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it I’ve been wishing to die for a long time so now what? I’ve been wishing to die for a very long time and it’s getting old so now fucking what? (I've been wishing to die for a very long time, now what?) if I knew it, I would say it (No stars to guide me ashore) if I could I would promise you that (only satellite) I'd carry on (I've been wishing to die for a very long time, now what?) if I knew it, say it (no stars to guide me ashore) if I could I would promise you that (only satellite) I'd carry on (I've been wishing to die for a very long time, now what?) if I knew it, say it (no stars to guide me ashore) if I could I would promise you that (only satellite) I'd carry on (it's just satellite)
4.
Gaze 02:50
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out of the corner of eyes, I saw the beauty of a woman I once prized her gaze upon mine, she fades away… dissociate call my body by her name fade away her beauty out from your gaze oh I’ve fallen away back into your memory oh I sink underneath, back into your reality I’m coming back for her face Bury me in her grave thought I was floating away right into your fantasy but I'm falling away back into your memory oh I sink underneath, back to your reality out of the corner of eyes, I saw the beauty of a woman I once prized in her guise, my fire was made she turns my spark into a fade and she ain't coming back I’m coming back
5.
After Survival 04:00
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when I’m lonely come and hold me tell me I was supposed to survive kiss me lightly as I’m crashing tell me I was supposed to survive how was I supposed to survive it all? survive at all & after survival, I won’t even make it home I didn't survive at all just didn’t die, was all I didn't survive at all how these years gone by & I’ve left them all behind all faulty limbs that dragged me down but where has that gotten me now? I’m limbless and drowning somehow even in the best case; even if I make it god somehow has it his way and I awake to have my sins read to me amongst my trivial things come alive. they don’t dance, only spill their quivering guts to your listening ear then await for your judgment I supposedly deserve that is after everything I’ve been through here on earth & yet somehow, somehow I’m supposed to survive it all? and somehow I’m supposed to survive at all? and somehow I’m supposed to survive at all? tell me how I’m supposed to survive it all tell me how supposed to survive at all how was I supposed to survive it all? didn't survive at all just didn’t die, was all I didn't survive at all I just didn’t die, was all
6.
Out of All 02:52
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go farther, end it here. gold chariot, end me here out of all the people I miss, crave, and long for I’ve shown you no respect, no love but I still call you home no temples, no palaces, places, only womb no warmth, no life, no light through this wound I bled for you when I could yet I still feel no kinship with you find me here. find me here. find me here out of all the places I’ve lived, never thought it'd find me here in this haunted house I was neglected but the feral woman finds her shelter neatly she sleeps between the scars on my chest. her spine in my figure I’ve only ever known her as the mother so I I bled for you when I could yet I still feel no kinship with you I’ve been no, no friend, no friend, no friend, no friend I’ve been no friend, no friend, no friend, no friend, no friend I’ve been no friend of mine
7.
Sand & Foam 04:52
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If I renounce all that you say haunts me now If I break down the way all saints have their doubts How will angels hear me whisper in a windstorm, I’m a hurricane, no survivors Hand reaching to save me now Shallow water won’t let me drown You sift me among sand and foam I’ll take my shape in your palm Useless eyes seek cure at night You pearl, cast before I, swine How can you say god knows no humor I a windstorm, she the hurricane, but you survived her I wash my hands off your drowning Conscious of if you ever blame me for your crying plane crash into your dreams hoping If you awake from your sleeping, you’d finally end up with me here Alive, uncontained and unafraid to disappear All I ever wanted was to feel something All I ever wanted was to feel better But if I get all I ever wanted then, what use would be my prayers All I ever wanted was to feel better But if I get all I ever wanted then, what use would be my prayers Hand reaching to save me now Shallow water won’t let me drown You sift me among sand and foam I’ll take my shape in your palm Hand reaching to save me now Shallow water won’t let me drown You sift me among sand and foam I’ll take my shape in your palm

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released March 10, 2023

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St. Abel Amsterdam, Netherlands

St. Abel is a genre-neutral musician.

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